Lancaster Eagle-Gazette, Thursday. November 28, 2002.

As the holidays get under way, is there evidence that the family unit is eroding?

In a mobile society, the way we define family is changing, said Brad Hedges, executive director of Mid-Ohio Psychological Services.

Connections are different geographically, with parents, their children and siblings being spread farther apart, Hedges said.

"We’re not living in the same community today compared to 50 years ago," Hedges said. "In the community I grew up in, there were people who’d grown up there and lived there all their lives. It was a very cohesive community.

"The concept of a mobilized society requires a change in definition."

Although people are far away from one another, it doesn’t tend to keep most from the ones they love, said Becky Edwards, executive director of the Family, Adult and Children First Council.

"Overall, people gravitate back to family at this time of year regardless of social changes," Edwards said.

And just because you can’t spend the holidays at grandmother’s house doesn’t mean it’ll be a dreary one.

"You can create new traditions and get together with a group of friends to celebrate," Edwards said.

"A mom, dad and their

2.1 kids is no longer the norm," Edwards said.

Family systems have changed compared to a time when people stayed in marriages despite conflicts and unhealthy relationships, Hedges said.

"Today, people realize that they don’t have to stay in an unhealthy marriage, whereas years ago divorce was unheard of" Hedges said.

Today there are a variety of families.

In the Kinship program run through Fairfield County Job and Family Services, there are 91 identified families, mostly grandparents and aunts and uncles raising children.

"There are probably more people raising children, but these are the ones we’ve identified," said Jenny Ruff, Kinship coordinator.

Having this support system m place to heal and help families is a step in the right direction, Ruff said.

"If they can plant a seed that can help make a difference in a child’s life then it’s worth it" Ruff said.

Although extended families have become the norm, traditional families still count, said Toni Gillette, assistant director of the Family Support and Visitation Center

"It’s ideal (traditional families) but we don’t live in an ideal society," Gillette said. "Here we see the worst of worst cases where even in difficult times families want to make the situation easy for the kids. This takes sacrifice and adjustment."

With media images and endless commercials of the perfect holiday family, it can be stressful going home for the holidays to a not-so-perfect family.

"Just because it’s the holidays doesn’t mean that conflict and stress are gone," Edwards said. "People see it as an expectation to go back, but it can be a stressor as well."

Especially for those who don’t have a "Christmas card" family to return to, Edwards said.

"But it’s important not to succumb to society and realize that there are more families that aren’t in the (TV image)," she said.

And when children are involved it is necessary to create a healthy environment despite the family make-up, keeping traditions and rituals at the forefront.

"If you look at the holiday season, it doesn’t matter that this isn’t the perfect storybook family," Edwards said. "You have to be comfortable in the situation you’re in and look at it through a child’s eyes who don’t have those expectations."

A sense of belonging is what family is all about, said Hedges.

"We have a thankfulness in recognizing that we’re loved and cared for," he said. "I don’t think the family unit is eroded — it’s just redefined."